humor Quotes

When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.