humor Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.