humor Quotes

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.