humor Quotes

I never think that people die. They just go to department stores.

Let a man get up and say, Behold, this is the truth, and instantly I perceive a sandy cat filching a piece of fish in the background. Look, you have forgotten the cat, I say.

Appraisals are where you get together with your team leader and agree what an outstanding member of the team you are, how much your contribution has been valued, what massive potential you have and, in recognition of all this, would you mind having your salary halved.

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'

It's a funny old world.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

The jury consist of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country.